So I apparently need to be more assertive.

So during my team meeting today my supervisor mentioned to me that I need to be "more assertive with my decisions and less vague with my explainations... it would be good for my career..." she said with a smirk.

I'm sitting here at my desk and just pondering on her comment.

And...well, I must agree with her. I think I don't have the confidence in my answers or my work without her approval or involvement. Even though she is pleased with the work that I've been submitting, I think she wants me to break out of our my bubble and take the lead. As she is giving me greater tasks, I know she wants me to step up and make decisions without or less involvement on her part.

What she spoke is a reflection of my character. The reason I'm so afraid of making decisions cause:
1. The most obvious reason its my head if its a bad decision.
2. I'm not confident.
3. I've never made any major decisions without "lengthy" prayer. (this usually involves days... haha)

So my solution to this:

1. Make a decision (calculated risk) and stick with it
2. Confidence is found in the Lord. (As the Lord has promised to take care of us. Psalm 139)
3. Short or lengthy prayers...doesn't matter. Give it to the Lord, *speak into it and He'll lead the way.

*There is power in our spoken tongue...
"A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth, and from the produce of his lips he shall be filled." (Proverbs 18:20)


Thanks guys for letting me share this with you.

God is working on my character. I'm grateful for His hand intervening in my life.

"I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ--for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (Philippians 1: 9-11)

So I saw X3 and ...

its pretty good.

I think its the best out of the trilogy. Though the story line strayed from the comic books, I appreicate that they concluded it and didn't leave too many things hanging... (for those who haven't seen it, stay after the credits and there is a scene that throws a twist). Supposely there will be a Wolverine and Magneto spinoff. So that will be interesting...

My legs are still sore from Laser Tag on friday... man, it hurts so much just to walk. And no, i'm not gonna throw the "I am old" comment... I find those comments more depressing than funny... haha.. rather I need to exercise and prepare for paintball! Which reminds me, I'll be holding a paintball event near the end of summer (tentatively, depending on when people are leaving) before those who need to go back to school goes back to school. Plus it would be good to get some of the guys together before they leave (Chris Harman). I'll keep you guys posted.

Tommorrow... the negotations begins...

Thoughts and Promises...

Reading through Psalms again. Just thought I would share with anyone that reads this blog. I go through this chapter whenever I feel low and when I just need the strength to move forward.

91:1 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”

91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge.”

91:5 “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.”

91:11 “For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” (Prayer for those closest to you)

I guess one of my biggest struggles is wanting to be and letting the Lord be that dwelling place. When I'm not thirsty, I don't yearn. However, when I feel low, I seek. I wish my heart wasn't so half-hearted sometimes. I want to seek when I don't want to seek. I want to perservere through both the abundant and dry times. God, I just want to seek as David sought after you. “How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.” Psalm 84:1-2.
But to get to that, I need Him to be my dwelling place. Lord, this isn't something I can get to on my own. Lead me there...

91:9 "If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the LORD, who is my refuge-"
Here is a list of promises (91: 10-16):
I will DELIVER him.
I will PROTECT him.
I will ANSWER him.
I will BE WITH him in trouble.
I will RESCUE him.
I will HONOR him.
I will SATISFY him with long life.
I will SHOW HIM my salvation.

Open!

Now OPEN:
Accepting applications from 9-5 Mondays - Fridays only. Only qualified applicants will be contacted. Thank you for your interest!
hahaha yes... the posting is now up. Was closed for business, now I've opened up to the idea again.


******************************************************

Anyways, nothing too big thats been going on....

I'm still trying to finalize plans on whether if I should make a trip to Vancouver in July. I want to see my van friends again.

Work is starting to pick up and because of that I haven't had a chance to think too much on what I'll be doing this summer... haha...

The boys and I are still thinking about a trip to Cuba or the Dominican Republic at the end of August. So I've been thinking about that too and saving money.

I am a little worried though, cause deadlines for projects are coming around summer time and I don't know if they will approve my holiday requests. AHHHH! I miss the student life cause I wouldn't have to plan so far ahead for vacation and also not limited to 3 weeks of vacation, but its better than my last job only 2 weeks of vacation... ahh yes the Lord is good!

Thank you Jesus! I think I just need to pray... it will all work out...

If only apologies were this easy...

Translation:

"Sorry me say you fat. You beautiful and thin."

Dang...

There is a time when every man needs a woman...

Man, this is so true!
Over the weekend, a couple of guys from church and I helped a friend moved. I thought it was going to be a easy move. Considering it was a single guy living in a single bedroom basement suite. Man! I was so wrong. When we arrived at his place, the guy didn't even start packing yet. His place was also a diaster, the kitchen and washrooms were pretty nasty (he hasn't clean the place since he moved in 3 yrs ago!) So we had to help the guy pack and clean. hahaha... it was so gross. It took 5 guys about 8 hrs to clean and pack everything (I swear we threw away half of our friends possessions). 3 hrs to load everything to the U-Haul truck and 1 hr to unload everything to his new place.

Its funny how guys in general want to keep junk in the hope of finding use for it in the future. And how gals just want to get rid of everything that has not been in use for the past 6 months! Ahhh man and woman do complement each other. A woman would have kept my friend in line with the cleasiness and packing! Though I do admit I've been to some pretty nasty apartments of some of my female friends but thats another story. All in all though, it was alot of fun helping my friend move. I got breakfast, lunch and dinner out of it and I got to know the guys from church better. So that was a blessing!

Man, this is my prayer that when I do finally move out that the Lord will bless me with a amazing woman. She will help me to develop good habits before my bad habits begin (and vice versa ...of course) ...hehehe...

I'm excited for my friend though, he will be married in 6 months.... ahhh ... his woman will keep him in line....*whip pow*... hahahaha ...

God put a smile upon my face - Coldplay

Man, I guess I'm just continually grateful for the people in my life. Friends, who I haven't seen in a LONG time, can just pick up where things were left off. *sigh* I miss you guys but we will always have our friendship. Life-long friendships.

But I'm also blessed with the good friends who I see every week here in this city. Man I'm encouraged by simply being in your presence. Thank you guys.

When I think of all of you my friends. I can only smile.... and its just not the gas...hehe

Back at it again...

Well, weekend was super awesome! I gotta see my super awesome Vancouver friends. Had some super awesome Van food. Met a lot of new super awesome people to add to my super awesome list of Van friends ! Man, I can really say that these friends are really a gift from God. I appreciate you guys! I love all of you with all my heart.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you."
Philippians 1:3

"Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."
Proverbs 27:17

The only thing that sucks is the fact that I think I may have caught the flu. I may have a ear infection as I am hard of hearing in my left ear, it pops sometimes followed by a sharp pain. I've also lost my voice and coughing. Actually, one of my co-workers said today that I sounded more of a man... so a possibility that I might be hitting purberty again...

Windows Live Mail...

is HORRIBLE!

Didn't they learn anything about Human-Computer Interaction. The interface is not user friendly, application is slow to load and a few times has caused my IE browser to crash. The worst thing is, I haven't found a way to go back to the original layout. There is also a bug, that causes my msn to crash when i have both running.

Anyways, I'm getting pretty stroked that summer is around the corner! BBQs every weekend, camping and hiking trips... trip with the guys... man, so much to look forward to!

Oh crap... meeting in 5 mins....

New United Album is...

Super GOOD! Love the songs! Intimate songs and songs of declaration of the church. I can say so many things ... but I won't.

Yup, went to CP during lunch today. Great CD! I also picked up an extra CD for a friend, but apparently he also picked one up too today. So I have a extra album... oh well, I can always give it away to someone else.

Anyways... I was doing a google on Isaac Watts today on his book on "A guide to Prayer", I haven't read the book yet, but I've been curious to read it since Intercessory Prayer. I stumbled on this guy's blog. Its great! I've got to learn how to pray more and just yeah be more simple with my prayers. I encourage everyone to check it out.


Nature of Prayer


Gift of Prayer


Grace of Prayer


For those of you who don't know, Isaac Watts wrote the hymn "When I survey the wondrous cross" and other hymns.

On a side note:
I heard that the presidents were elected. *dang* ... Jill you'll always be president in my heart.... hehehe.... now got to convince you to stay in Calgary... hahaha...j/k

IMPACT

Whoa... doesn't Jonny look HOT with the PINK shirt?
Karen: That is soooooooo last year's color.

hahaha...

Anyways, Worship was awesome cause God was there. Need I say more?

I hope that we'll get a chance to be lead worshippers again on campus. It was so much fun! Thanks for the opportunity guys and thank you our Lord for recieving our praises to You!

Nathander for Prez!

Bored and highly unmotivated...

Man, its been a slow past 3 days at work... hahaha... got nothing really to do.


So to kill some time, I manage to ummm...download some of the new hillsong united: United we stand, songs from the Hillsong site. I have every intention on buying this cd when it comes out on april 4th. But I heard this one, ok ..two... ok... three songs that I absolutely needed to learn and sing!

And now, not only do I have them, but I also have the guitar tabs written out... yea!

Full length mp3 songs that I have are:
-Take it all (guitar tabs too)
-From the inside out (guitar tabs too)
-Came to the Rescue
-None But Jesus
-Revolution
-The Stand (guitar tabs too)

Man these songs are soooooo good. I'm EXCITED!!! Might have to buy two CDs!

If anyone wants the mp3s or chords, drop me a line.

A day worth celebrating!

Its 3.14 today! Happy PI Day everyone!




Yay for Pi!!!

0 for 12...

Stupid tim horton's... i'm 0 for 12 for the roll up the rim to win contest. Oh well, i'll give it 6 more attempts before I officially boycott Timmy's...hehe...actually i don't think I'll ever boycott Timmys I just love them too much....

Weekend was good had lots of fun with the guys (MANCON). We had a paintball fight (with slingshots) in Nose Hill park in some seclueded area where no one could see...hehe...It was alot of fun! Highlights of the event:
- My bro got shot in the face with a paintball, by a team mate...haha... bad aiming..but a good shot.
- Hmmm... in the middle of the playing field, I puked... and man, it was pretty steamy...
- A couple of guys had to take a piss during game play... easy targets....hehehe...

Across the waves, across the seas, seperating you from me...

Ok... this is not a love poem... sick....

So I got a call from a good friend last night. A friend I haven't seen nor heard from since summer. He's on the otherside of the world, mastering a language in which I've been trying to master my whole life...

Anyways, we were talking and catching up with our lives and sharing on what God is doing and wow, just hearing him I can sense a change in him. As we were exchanging stories, it was so encouraging to hear how through the struggle of change, loneiness, lack of direction (him being stuck in a foreign country) that God is using him and confirming things along the way.

Yesterday afternoon (yes... at work) I came across this passage in Romans. I remember memorizing this scripture a few years back.

Romans 8:28- "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose."

But this time I let my thoughts dwell on it...and yeah if I were to re-write this verse, it would translate to:

"Disappointment, failure, and suffering are simply facts of life. But for those who are actively following God, He can turn disappointment and tragedy into new life" (Sam's version)

Ahhh...yes... NEW life...

and now... time to move forward...

Its better to ask questions... stupid organic coffee

So it was my turn to buy coffee for the office. I've never bought coffee in a bag before and as I walked in to the coffee shop, "Higher Ground" in Kensington. I was completely clueless as I was hoping for some sort of display or sales section on bagged coffee. There was nothing but a long lineup, and so yeah I just lined up. Trying to make sure that I won't look like an idiot, I began to think of questions to ask the workers there. Its funny, because as my mind became consumed with these thoughts, I wasn't paying attention and it was my turn and yeah, I wasn't ready so I blurted out, "Do you guys sell coffee?" The girl looked at me weird, like if I was lost, stupid, mental or something.... probably thinking 'of couse we sell coffee...its a coffee shop afterall...stupid idiot.' Well probably not that extreme, but I quickly threw in my next question before I gave her a chance to think further. "I mean, do you sell bagged coffee"... and "whew" what a relief. And then came the technical questions and not to look stupid this is how I answered...
girl: would you like organic coffee?
me: umm..sure

girl: what size?
me: what size do they come in?

girl: 1/4 pd, 1/2 pd and pd
me: umm..sure

girl: pd?
me: umm..sure

girl: umm.. ok...Grind or beans?
me: grind

girl: Medium or Dark Roast?
me: medium

girl: Ok..that comes to $15.50
me: umm... what???

Yeah, so I ended up paying $15.50 for a pound of coffee. I would have cancel the order but the lady was grinding the beans for me...

I did drink the coffee and it tasted alright, nothing special compared to other coffee...*sigh*...

Obession

Obsession: David Crowder

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

Chorus

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You
And I am so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I am stubborn, Lord, and I am longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate Without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like bird


I think, is about our day-to-day "swing" of hearing God and then going through a drought and then hearing Him again. But all the time, our heart should burn for him and then we'll be surrounded like a fog. The past few weeks have been foggy nights and fog just clouds everywhere and you feel enclosed and that if you walked into a thick patch of fog, you'd be completely invisible and safe. Isn't it interesting that when driving through fog, bright lights make it worse so you can't use them and have to settle for just your regular headlights? That's how we have to remember tha God's there; not in the flashy bright light that we're looking for, but in the regular, dim, smaller light and the only way to get through the fog is to watch the regular light. You're always safe with a regular light in fog; just like you're always the safest at the center of God's will. Until the fog lifts. . . . follow the regular light.

Brokeness

Man, brokeness... I am broken, I don't think I can handle it anymore... I keep surrendering more and more of my life to You. Thats not enough, I need to surrender it all. Thats what makes things so painful. I try to surrender it all, but my plans keep coming back at me. I try to surrender again... and again the process repeats itself. And after each cycle, it gets even more painful.

There are some decisions I need to make in my life. I don't want to make them, but I have to. I wish God would speak to me...why does He seem so silent... I need His direction in this... I know He is faithful, I know He cares so much for me, I know He wants His best for me... but why does He seem so silent during this time... a word would be nice... even if its a harsh word... but silence...

My heart aches....

Help me Lord...

Help me Lord to trust in You this time. Lord you are good, you are good! Help me, give me strength as I go through this... I can't do this on my own.... my heart is broken....

Help me Lord, I can't get through this without You...

Shortsightedness...

Continous submission?

Its so hard to believe that during the times of pain and disappointment that God wants His best for You. Even, during the times that you spend so much time in prayer, perserving in prayer, asking God for something to happen, and He remains silent... not even a word. You ask people around to pray, you continously give up the situation to Him.... yet He is still silent. You pray with such faith, and ask with expectation (James 1:5-6) and yet He remains silent...

I guess what I'm realizing that the suffering, pain, disappointment and tears is the process of His best or perhaps even His best for me right now. So often and yeah...pretty much everytime...I can only see whats infront of me and yeah, its pretty shortsighted. But the funny thing is that God sees the full perspective. In the process of pain and suffering, there is brokenness. But yeah, brokeness is what God wants (Psalms 51:17)



3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5: 3-5 MESSAGE)