I AM SAM

Ray Johnson - a man to be remembered.

2009-02-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

My heart weeps right now. I just found out that a old family friend Ray Johnson has just passed away. I haven't seen him for while now 6-7 years? I was in my 2nd or 3rd year of university but I still remember him as a boy. He was one of the most kind hearted person I've ever met. He took care of my father when my dad first started at GCA and was like a grandfather to me when I was a child. He was the one that taught me tic-tac-toe. I have a clear vivid image of him. His glasses, his warm and wholesome smile and the big hug he gave me as a child.

The last time I saw him I remember that his wife had passed away from cancer a year earlier. I remember the look of his aged and wrinkly face. There was sadness and pain he still deeply missed his wife. He was grateful though to see some old friends. As my father, mother and I talked with him, it brought back the warm, wholesome and loving person I remembered him being. There were moments of laughter and sadness in our conversation. After the visit, we said our goodbyes and I still remember the tears in his eyes as we left him. "Promise me that you will visit again soon?" his voice cracked. I knew he didn't want that day to end. He was lonely and wanted to be near friends. I said "Yes, I will see you again soon..." and he smiled.

I'm sorry Ray that I never had a chance to visit. I still remember you and all the things that you taught me when I first started elementary school. You were such a kind and loving man. It does bring me comfort to know that you are now in heaven with your lovely wife. One day we will meet again and perhaps we can have that conversation again...but this time, no more tears and no more pain.

I love you Ray for being such a good friend/mentor to my dad. Thank you!

Sam

Living from Approval & Not for Approval

2009-02-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

Our value has nothing to do with what we can do for Him, but our value is based upon what Jesus did for us. I failed and exchanged report cards with Jesus. He got all my F’s and I got all His A’s! He got what my deeds deserved, death on a cross. I got what His deeds deserved, to be seated with Christ in heavenly places.

I’m all smiles right now. Why? Because God values (honors, highly esteems, blesses, favors) me with the same value He placed on His Son Jesus. I am highly favored.

“I have given them the glory that you gave Me that they may be one as we are One!” John 17:22

Prune me

2008-06-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

I want to be the branch that bears fruit. Even if He prunes me. Discipline does not feel good at the moment, it can be harsh and even painful. These are the life lessons God brings into our life to humble us and make us more like Him. So this is why I welcome the discipline of God, for without it, I would be like a spoiled child gone astray and doing things on my own. I don't want to do things alone, I want to do things with my heavenly Father. Prune me Oh Lord, even if it hurts, don't let me have my way, but let only Your way be done in me and all of us. Show us Your great love for us this day! In Jesus name Amen

Don't want to be the same...

2008-06-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

Jesus take our lives, fill our lives and be our lives forever. Satisfy our thirsts with Your presence and let us not drink from any other well. We need You desperately and ask You please come and fill our hearts with Your life this day. Amen.

Looking forward :)

2007-08-02T12:52:00.000-07:00

When I think back about the last few months I can only smile. God is good. I am thankful and grateful for everything that has transpired. Even when some things seem lost, God can still use it for a greater purpose. :)

I guess that thing that is still on my heart is where? and when? I am really looking forward to the things in the future, I still need to rely on God to get there. I don't want to rush it, but I'm not gonna do nothing either. I'm learning to pray and continually give my requests up to Him. And just trusting His timing. His timing is perfect, too soon or too late we can miss something very important, good and special.

Its not easy to wait, but I'll continue to wait and pray and seek confirmation when the time is ready. I've asked others to pray and I'm so grateful for their faithfulness with their prayers. "Please Lord, show me when to move forward! Lord, you know the desires of my heart. I trust you Lord! For you are good and you only do good. Thank you father for hearing my prayer and wanting your best for me!"

Quietness

2007-07-08T22:59:00.000-07:00

Quietness is a good thing. Though sometimes you appreciate the fun and good times and you want more of it. Quietness is good. Though I don't entirely understand why, and how this fits into His plans and I want to work things to really work out, I really need to continue to pray and agree with the Lord's plans and trust Him that everything will work out. *sigh* there are challenges and difficult things ahead. Need to continue to believe that the Lord is working and He does only good because He is good. Thank you Lord that you love me and want your best for me. Sometimes the best requires a little bit more work and effort, but it is You that I trust and can hold on to. The initial minor discomfort will help protect me in the long run. I firmly believe it! As long as I am obedient. "Oh Lord please teach me to be obedient!" Sometimes the most beautiful things in life requires time and patience to nurture. And when it does blossom, it is a beautiful thing! Amen!

Is this whats best for me?

2007-06-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Just been learning to think less and pray more :)

I'm officially halfway through my 40 day fast. only 20 more days to go! Its been good, actually really good to pray, focus on God and prayers for the church.

Faith is stepping out and not knowing what comes next. Even though there has been confirmation upon confirmation each step of the way it is funny, no matter what or how many confirmations I get... I can't seem to wait for the next milestone! :) that milestone will come! I believe it! But I wonder how long till I get to it. I get so anxious. *sigh* I'm too impatient. *deep sigh*

Lord, help me not to be anxious about this area of my life but Lord I give this up to you in prayer and petition and I trust that you know whats best for me. Because you love me. Thank you!

Life is moving fast and its funny how some of the things that have been prayed over me last year is starting to come true. I won't share in detail, but I wonder about whats next?

Need of Wisdom.

2007-05-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I can't believe its been like 3 months since my last post. It probably has to do with the fact that I spend most of my time on facebook now. Hahaha... its all good. I'll save this blog for more personal type stuff.

Man, I really need wisdom, patience and guidance now. I'm not entirely sure how to approach this. But I've been agreeing with God's plan so far...haha...why stop now.... He's totally been looking after me and I can only thank and praise Him. I'm really excited right now...but at the same time a little anxious. I guess its more about my inadequacies than anything else.
I'm starting to dig up some old scripture again

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (matt 6:34)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. (proverbs 3:4-5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7)

She's a babe!

2007-02-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

Thats right folks I finally got her! She sounds so good. I wanna thank Jonny for the hookups. She's not an G&L ASAT as I wanted...No something WAY better...a Fender Custom Shop Classic Telecaster guitar beauty baby!

I love the neck pickup...such sweet sweet sound. She's a little hard to play, but a setup should fix that and then she'll be perfect.

Next up...a sm58...

What a AWESOME Team!

2007-01-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

I must say that it was such a pleasure to play and worship with these fine gentlemen.

We had such a good time at the Chinese Winter Conference this year. The Lord's presence was strong. It was such a blessing to be part of a team in which all our hearts were united in our focus to worship God.

Never had I played in a team with such talent and such passion. It was good to see some of the older folks jumping... hehe... The Lord is good. I pray that we will have the opportunity to serve together in the future.

Just want to wish all of you out there a Happy, Blessed and Prosperous New Year! Greater things are gonna happen in 2007.

Don't take credit for my work...

2006-12-12T10:08:00.000-08:00

I think one of the biggest things that totally pisses me off is when a co-worker takes credit for your work. You explain to him how the process works because he asked. But as you explain to him, he disagrees and keeps interrupting and when he finally understands, he promptly notifies the supervisor... and the supervisor praises him for his efforts.

*sigh* I think also it could be a major PRIDE thing. *sigh* A couple of arguments to support this is the fact that he deals with stress really well and is very friendly and approachable... and with me, i'm freaking out with my deadlines and in all honestly a wreak. There is so much pressure for me to get things done, but hardly any encouragement from anyone.

I need to let go of this bitterness and anger and move forward with my life. Cause this is seriously destroying me.

Sorry guys...i just had to vent.

I think i'm starting to understand..

2006-11-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

The Desert is the answer and where I'm at, it is in the desert where I can fully experience God. But its in the desert where everything is so dry, uneventful, quiet and lonely. I long for so many things and so many dreams that I still want to see fulfilled. But its time to put all that away and be in the desert. There isn't really much of road to see. All I really have is just Him...

But there will be a time for me to leave (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) Seasons do change.
Just as Moses and John the Baptist spent 20+ yrs in the desert, they both had to leave too to fulfill their ministries :)

A glimspe...

2006-11-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

What it mean to see a glimspe of His Glory? What does it take? What am I holding onto that is preventing me to experience something more? What does it take to have more?

In a lot of ways, I'm really frustrated, I'm tired and burnt out from the pressures of work. I'm tired of dealing with people and being taken advantage of. I'm tired of being in this desert and tired of being tired.

Its in the desert where I've experience God's grace so many times, its in the desert where I've truly felt loved. Why do i resent it? I know that I'm still here cause I have some unfinished business, still lots of refining within me. Yet, I would feel gulity if I left the desert and not experience everything that the Lord wanted me to do. But then again, would I have really left? Can I leave? I feel so alone in my journey. Its been so long since I've last heard Your still small voice again.

Surprises...

2006-11-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

So you not gonna believe what happened to me yesterday.... I was working late last night trying to catch up on things at work. As I was working, the Janitor comes by and i did my usual "Hi, how's it going? ...Thanks for taking my garbage... have a goodnight..." and yeah carried on with my work. Anyways, about an hr later I was done my stuff and was shutting down stuff for the night. I grab my cell and wallet...but couldn't find my car key!!! So i spent the next half hour cleaning through my bag, desk and drawers thinking of all possible places where I may have placed my key and NOTHING... I was panicking because the bus service had stopped and I was the last person in the office. So I was freaking out and praying feverishly asking the Lord to reveal to me where the key is... and it wasn't working! haha... but yeah, after some time I managed to finally quiet my thoughts and just ask the Lord about where the key may be. As I remained "still" (my heart was still racing), the thought of "garbage can" hit my heart, I looked in my garbage can and it was empty... and then I remember that THE JANITOR had emptied my trash can. So I race outside...running around the other businesses outside and looking for his car. And only like 2 minutes after, I find him and explain to him what may have happened. And this guy was amazing. He took me to the big metal trash bin and it was FULL with garbage bages. With all the number of bags I knew it would take me hours to find...however... he knew the exact one from my office was. He brought out the bag, ripped it open and dumped it on the parking lot. Both of us were picking through the trash...and about 5 mins later..... MY KEY!... hahaha... it was amazing! I thanked the guy like crazy and he was like "no prob man"... crazy...

So today I waited for the janitor because I wanted to thank him again and give him a little something.... and you know what?? he just wouldn't accept it.... man if only he was chinese, the I would get angry and flip my desk, because its disrespectful when a fellow chinese refuses a gift... hahaha... but he was like "No No, i'm just doing my job" and then he went back to our 'regular' conversation... "How are you? ... thanks for taking out the garbage... have a goodnight"

Haha... man, God is good and man He never ceases to amaze me. Even with such small simple things, He's always there watching over me :)

engine woes...

2006-10-31T13:10:00.000-08:00

So it looks like we are really really really behind schedule. Talked with some co-workers who have worked on several similar projects before and they've all said "We've never been in a situation like this where its so messed up before" ... haha...*sigh*... in all honesty I'm tired of spending my saturdays here at the office. But I've got a job to do...and whether or not its going well I'll see to it to the end.

Reading Isaiah 61 which surprisingly is title "The Year of the LORD's favor" :)

2a to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor

7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.

11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.

Its so awesome that we as his children have His favor. We just need to proclaim it and take hold of it :)
It just amazes me how sometimes we feel we just need a word for comfort and the Lord provides a whole chapter! haha... and how sometimes we look for a whole chapter and we only get a word. Yes the Lord is good!

Friday the 13th!

2006-10-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

Ahh yes today is friday the 13th...eh...

so I bought this new-used analog delay pedal. Thats right people a green label late 80's BOSS-DM!!!!!
haha... i pretty stoke on hearing the good old vintage tone. So this is awesome, my next pedal purchase shall most likely be a tube screamer! and that should be good for the most part until i get a new guitar.

Anyways, I guess I'm progressing on with life. Learning to rely on Him through both the good and the best of times! thats right...not just the bad times...all we are and have is a gift from God.

A new beginning! Isaiah 35 says it well:

1 Even the wilderness and desert will be glad in those days.
The wasteland will rejoice and blossom with spring crocuses.
2 Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers
and singing and joy!
The deserts will become as green as the mountains of Lebanon,
as lovely as Mount Carmel or the plain of Sharon.
There the Lord will display his glory,
the splendor of our God.

9 The parched ground will become a pool,
and springs of water will satisfy the thirsty land.
Marsh grass and reeds and rushes will flourish
where desert jackals once lived.

Time to let go of the habits of the old and believe that new and better things are about to come. The Lord's favor is upon his people. And you know what? thats you and me!

Amen to a new beginning!

Looking for a bass player...

2006-10-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

to teach me...hahaha...

Yup, thats right...i've got roughly about 2 months to learn bass. Basically, I need to learn some basic - intermediate level bass rhythms... and oh...does anyone out there have a bass I can borrow?

Thanks!

Finally...a post!

2006-09-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, its been awhile eh?

*sigh*...i can't believe its the end of september already....this means deadlines. I've been so busy with this project that i've literally lost track of which day is what. The "engine" team is so stressed out, and I think when the development lead snapped at me yesterday it was the first visual sympton of the stress and high-tension among our teams. It was awkward, cause the whole office went dead slient right after our "conversation"... oh well, I have a job to do and it needs to be done... and I don't like to get pushed around.

Man, i've never felt so demoralized... haha... our team lead quit a few weeks ago (for a bigger and better job with a oil company), leaving the rest of the team to fend for themselves. We're the only team without a lead and the business resources...*sigh*. Its been always been a uphill battle and the hill now is only steeper.

But this is another step of growing out of the studentness in me and stepping up. All we are and all we have is a gift from God. We are called to serve and to love. As I was thinking this, I put on my headphones and I heard ..'How Can I keep from singing your praise... How can I ever say enough how amazing is your love...I can sing in the trouble times...sing when I win... I sing cause your there...I can sing cause you hear me lord... I can sing...etc..'

yeah not to take away any of the "manlyness" in me, haha...its a awesome feeling to know that his presence is here and the real joy in His love in all circumstances.

Starfield! Chris Tomlin! Third Day!

2006-07-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

All three bands last night night were good. Though I must admit I was only looking forward to Chris Tomlin and yeah I wasn't disappointed one bit. Man, Chris Tomlin was simply amazing. I admire his heart, humility and his geninue love for the Lord. Really, it was such a awesome night of worship. There is a special annointing God has placed on Chris's songs. Songs of such simplicity that ministers to people and yet bold declaration of God's love, greatness and Glory. Thank you Chris for sharing your songs.

On another note, I took some time to reflect the past year of my life... and yeah. Thank you God for this special day and thank you for simply taking a interest in my life by molding and shaping me this past year. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for Your will and Your plans in my life. Now, I'm really looking forward to another year of growth and in my life journey.

Cool Analogy...

2006-07-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

This is for the good guys out there:

"The good guy can be like the great restaurant that only locals know about. The tourists miss it because they fall for the "traps" of the neon sign and convenient location of the franchise, not realizing that the best is tucked away just a few blocks over. The good guy is more a discovery, finding him can take more effort because you have to work your way past all the flash of the franchise guy. He could be working in the cubicle next to you, or sitting just a few rows over in class, or playing guitar in your church small group. Take the time to get to know him. The one who might be easy to overlook could turn out to be the best kept secret."

hmmm...

2006-06-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Since when have I become so dignified in worship???

God is Glorious!

2006-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

God is Glorious over Calgary!

I have to say Global Day of Prayer this year was AWESOME! I just love the aspect that 200 million christians were all in agreement yesterday for change, for revival, something fresh and anew from the Lord.
I thought it was "better" than last years, even though there were fewer people but that doesn't matter. I'm not saying that last years what bad or anything, but just throughout this past year I have learn to appreicate and gained a better understanding on the power of prayer. And as we were praying yesterday, His presence was strong.

I was overwhelm because our (the church of CALGARY) hearts were in unionson for repentance, healing and declaration of God reigning in this city.

Also, I just think its so awesome to see the numbers of people participating, especially in Tawian and Hong Kong. The Lord is stirring something in the hearts of the chinese people!

I got alot out of this gathering, but "God, I hope You got the most out of our praises and prayers to You" As its not about us, but all about You!

So I apparently need to be more assertive.

2006-05-31T13:49:00.000-07:00

So during my team meeting today my supervisor mentioned to me that I need to be "more assertive with my decisions and less vague with my explainations... it would be good for my career..." she said with a smirk.

I'm sitting here at my desk and just pondering on her comment.

And...well, I must agree with her. I think I don't have the confidence in my answers or my work without her approval or involvement. Even though she is pleased with the work that I've been submitting, I think she wants me to break out of our my bubble and take the lead. As she is giving me greater tasks, I know she wants me to step up and make decisions without or less involvement on her part.

What she spoke is a reflection of my character. The reason I'm so afraid of making decisions cause:
1. The most obvious reason its my head if its a bad decision.
2. I'm not confident.
3. I've never made any major decisions without "lengthy" prayer. (this usually involves days... haha)

So my solution to this:

1. Make a decision (calculated risk) and stick with it
2. Confidence is found in the Lord. (As the Lord has promised to take care of us. Psalm 139)
3. Short or lengthy prayers...doesn't matter. Give it to the Lord, *speak into it and He'll lead the way.

*There is power in our spoken tongue...
"A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth, and from the produce of his lips he shall be filled." (Proverbs 18:20)

Thanks guys for letting me share this with you.

God is working on my character. I'm grateful for His hand intervening in my life.

"I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ--for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (Philippians 1: 9-11)

So I saw X3 and ...

2006-05-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

its pretty good.

I think its the best out of the trilogy. Though the story line strayed from the comic books, I appreicate that they concluded it and didn't leave too many things hanging... (for those who haven't seen it, stay after the credits and there is a scene that throws a twist). Supposely there will be a Wolverine and Magneto spinoff. So that will be interesting...

My legs are still sore from Laser Tag on friday... man, it hurts so much just to walk. And no, i'm not gonna throw the "I am old" comment... I find those comments more depressing than funny... haha.. rather I need to exercise and prepare for paintball! Which reminds me, I'll be holding a paintball event near the end of summer (tentatively, depending on when people are leaving) before those who need to go back to school goes back to school. Plus it would be good to get some of the guys together before they leave (Chris Harman). I'll keep you guys posted.

Tommorrow... the negotations begins...

Thoughts and Promises...

2006-05-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

Reading through Psalms again. Just thought I would share with anyone that reads this blog. I go through this chapter whenever I feel low and when I just need the strength to move forward.

91:1 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”

91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge.”

91:5 “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.”

91:11 “For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” (Prayer for those closest to you)

I guess one of my biggest struggles is wanting to be and letting the Lord be that dwelling place. When I'm not thirsty, I don't yearn. However, when I feel low, I seek. I wish my heart wasn't so half-hearted sometimes. I want to seek when I don't want to seek. I want to perservere through both the abundant and dry times. God, I just want to seek as David sought after you. “How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.” Psalm 84:1-2.
But to get to that, I need Him to be my dwelling place. Lord, this isn't something I can get to on my own. Lead me there...

91:9 "If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the LORD, who is my refuge-"
Here is a list of promises (91: 10-16):
I will DELIVER him.
I will PROTECT him.
I will ANSWER him.
I will BE WITH him in trouble.
I will RESCUE him.
I will HONOR him.
I will SATISFY him with long life.
I will SHOW HIM my salvation.